first days...

Why is it that first days of class are so unnerving? Stepping into a new class always takes me right back to elementary, middle and high school.




"Uhh... is there a vel... veleen... valonk... uh.."


(heart thumping)


"Uhh... udink... Udeek..." (looking up for help)


(sweaty palm raised)


"Uhh... yes?" (expectantly hoping that the 10 year old with her hand raised in the back of the room will unravel the mystery of a name) 


(hesitantly... quietly) "velinka udicki"


"What? Can you say that again?"


"Velinka Udicki" (red face, neck)


"Oh, thank you! Well... that sounds foreign! (awkward pause) How *did* you get a name like that?"


"Umm, well... it's a family name. My grandma... and, umm, my aunt had the same name..."


"Well, how special!" (relief written all over, moving on)


Even though decades have taught me hard-earned lessons about not allowing others to determine my value, there are still bits of that nervous young girl that squirms inside as my thirty-nine year old self crosses another threshold of yet another classroom thinking, ugh, here I go again.